Acre Under a Green Sky

That night when Dan came home from his shift at the hospital, he took Kate up to their room and cried. I could hear him all the way down in the living room. The next morning, Kate said he slept through the night for the first time in months. She said my father had made peace with Dan. She wouldn't say how.

We found Ruth asleep in her chair that morning. She and my father were holding hands. Dan gently nudged her awake, and she jumped with a start toward my father. She thought he was dead. She was so happy to find him alive that she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me. She apologized so sweetly that I couldn't tell if she was sorry for hugging me or for disliking me.

"I thought he'd gone without us. You know, without one of us to see him off."

She hugged Dan, too, and said, "He knows. He's known all along. He didn't think I wanted to talk about it. Can you imagine?! But it's all right. Everything's going to be all right."

She practically danced out of the room.

"What was that all about?" I said.

"She's a lesbian."

"You're kidding."

"You really have to spend more time at home."

"When did this happen?"

"Don't be an asshole."

"Why didn't I know?"

"You weren't around to know."

"No. I was eighteen years old and I ran away from home. Is that how you see it? First Mom. Then me. Except that big brothers are supposed to leave home. I'm not her. I didn't abandon you guys."

"Take it outside, boys," my father said.

"It's okay, Dad," Dan said, "We're just talking. I gotta go to work. Ruth's waiting."

"We'll talk tonight, okay?"

"Right. Tonight," and Dan kissed the old man and left.

My father was eyeing me. It looked like he was sizing me up for a fight.

"You're not the only one she left," my father said, "I loved her too."

He was trying to raise himself up on the bed. I took his shoulders and settled him back down on the bed.

"I loved her more than any of you," he said.

He was heartbroken and furious at the same time.

"It's okay, Dad. Just relax," I said.

"I did it for you kids and you hated me for it."

"No, never. It was the most courageous thing I'd ever seen. I loved you for it."

"You've always hated me."

"No, never for a minute," I said.

"You want to know the truth? You want to know the God-awful truth? I almost went after her. I was this close to packing you all off to your aunt's house and going after her. Leaving you all for good. I swear to God, I thought about it long and hard."

"Why didn't you?" I said.

He wasn't listening. He was looking beyond me toward the door.

"Who's that?" he said.

I turned to the door and saw no one. When I looked back, he was gone. His eyes were open and he was smiling an indescribable half-smile. I tried to read that unfathomable expression, but I couldn't. I kissed him and I cried a little and I was glad I cried. I always wondered if I could. Then, I closed my father's eyes.